If you follow us on twitter, then you are already aware that this new year we are working together with the guys at BabbleOn 5 to give you all some cross-over content that we are very excited about! To get started, we decided to share some thoughts with them on what we thought geek guys should know about geek girls, and now we want to introduce these guys to you with their list of things that geek girls should know about geek guys!
The boys of BabbleOn 5 are very excited to partner with our new favorite geeky girls for various pop culture babblings. We really learned a lot from the list the Girls Are Geeks sent over so we sent over our own list of Top Five things that geek girls should know about geek guys.
- We tend to be very insecure and compare ourselves to other guys a lot. Most of us were probably picked on or made fun of in some way or another in junior high and we hate being compared to other guys, especially guys like Nathan Fillion. Since most of us lived as misfits, on our worst days we are passive aggressive with entitlement issues. On our best days, we are brilliant! Also, If all we talk about is nerdy stuff, it is mainly because we don’t know how to interact well with the opposite gender.
- Just because we have geek girls we are friends with doesn’t mean we want to do EVERYTHING geeky with you. Guys bond over doing stuff together and guys need guy time to do that. Don’t be offended if we don’t invite you to everything. This insight is brought to you by an unfortunate incident involving a geek friend and his geek girlfriend’s desire to play a role playing game with us (that was messy).
- While we love our all night movie marathons and game nights, we don’t mind trying new things. Sometimes we just need to be gently nudged to venture out into new horizons. Remember, we may be a little inexperienced but we are also fast learners and quickly catch on. We might not know much about wines, but give us a week and we’ll be experts (thanks to Google!).
- If it can be said as a movie quote, it’s infinitely more effective. Calling us ‘scruffy looking, nerf-herders’ gets our attention without hurting our delicate feelings. Nerd quotes and references is our love language. It’s funny and affirming of our existence all at the same time!
- It’s not that we don’t care about our appearance, it’s that we forget to do anything about it on occasion. As a double standard, while we don’t like to shed our favorite pop culture t’s, we do like it when you get ‘girled’ up at times. It’s because we don’t want to always feel like we are hanging with other dudes. We know this is a double standard but it’s reality — and yes, two thumbs up for the Princess Leia Slave Girl costume!
Thanks again to the guys of BabbleOn 5 for inviting us to join this great adventure and we hope to have many more exchanges like this in the future!
Girls Are Geeks 
Jan 07, 2011 @ 11:34:49
this is a great list. I will now venture off to their site for the first time.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 11:59:54
Thanks for letting us rant a bit and thanks to Girls Are Geeks for your great list. Geeks rule!
Jan 07, 2011 @ 13:09:16
This is great! What’s cool is it also works for things like racism!
“Just because we have geek (girls)/(minority people) we are friends with doesn’t mean we want to do EVERYTHING geeky with you. (Guys)/(Non-minority people) bond over doing stuff together and (guys)/(non-minority people) need (guy)/(non-minority person) time to do that. Don’t be offended if we don’t invite you to everything. This insight is brought to you by an unfortunate incident involving a geek friend and his geek (girlfriend)/(minority friend)’s desire to play a role playing game with us (that was messy).”
On the other hand, if you think excluding someone because of their race isn’t cool just because you might need “white-person time” then you might want to rethink excluding women because you need “guy-time.”
Just a thought.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 13:16:42
It is a thought, and I will admit that of their list, this is the one that’s a little, well, off to me. I have successfully played DnD and other games with my husband for years now. However, I also have to admit that both me and my husband have separate guy/girl times, he plays xbox live with his buddies, and I do a variety of girl’s nights, and we love it. I think the issue tends more to be with spending time with the person you always with just because you have similar geeky interests, you feel like you should do everything together. Even geeks need breaks from other geeks, especially ones that have other intertwined issues (like a sex life), whether they be guys or girls. Let me get the guys to respond here as well!
Jan 07, 2011 @ 17:00:13
Well that is an absurd argument and putting words into my mouth (non minoirty people etc) that I never said. Nor did I say somebody should be excluded because of their gender. My whole point is that guys need time with guy friend and girls need time with girl friends. Ever have that friend that is so into his/her date that they forget about their other friendships?
The point of the RPG night (which was just one time) was a to have a specially planned “guy night” just like other guys do with poker or football or whatever. Where we can catch up and be guys and his g/f through a fit and ended up more or less ruining are friendship.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 17:17:26
“The point of the RPG night (which was just one time) was a to have a specially planned “guy night” just like other guys do with poker or football or whatever. Where we can catch up and be guys and his g/f through a fit and ended up more or less ruining are friendship.”
Thing is, if RPG’s happen to be an important part of *both* of their lives, and if being excluded from an RPG is No Fun for the person being excluded, then maybe “guy/girl night out” activities need to be something that no one will feel horrible about missing.
Alternatively the two of them can find a second RPG campaign that they can share together, or she can find another RPG campaign to join on the same night. Though this is a pretty damn tall order unless they live in a big city, and it still doesn’t address the issue of his being unwilling to share what is to her an important activity. I know it wouldn’t fix the issue for me and I’d still feel crappy about his not being willing to share an activity that is specifically very important to me.
If his only solution is to tell a hardcore girl gamer that she just needs to suck it up because RPG’s are guy time for him, then I’d make like Dan Savage and tell her to DMTFA.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 17:18:40
Clearly, there’s a little miscommunication here in the semantics of that particular point.
Just for clarity, the *point* is that geek guys want geek guy time to themselves, which, although it may not be a universal concept, is at least important to the majority of the geek guys who wrote this list. The geek girls who run this site would also agree that girl time is a necessity for us.
The specific incident in question, is simply an example, which wasn’t fully explained, and makes more sense upon explanation.
Please play nice everyone, I don’t want to have to remove comments, I like discussion!
Jan 07, 2011 @ 16:22:07
Sorry, but F you to the notion of excluding me from your RPG because I’m female. Do that and we’re done. I love tabletops, and if you screw me out of the chance to play in a campaign on purpose, that’s not cool. If I can’t be your gaming buddy as well as your best friend, your lover and your partner, then we’re not a good match. I respect and support my partner’s time to be with his friends, but don’t screw me out of something that’s important to me to get it.
If what you’re saying is that girls can’t play RPG’s, an even bigger F you to that notion. I don’t think that’s what you’re saying, but I do think that any couple where both of them like geek things needs to do some clear negotiating about which activities they’re willing to share, and to compromise if one of those activities is very important to both of them. For me, not being willing to play RPG’s with me while you played with your friends would be a deal breaker.
He can certainly share different activities with his friends that don’t include me; I don’t expect 100% overlap in our interests. But refusing to play in the same RPG’s would be the equivalent, to me, of his refusing to let me in his car or apartment. It’s an important enough recreational activity for me that I wouldn’t feel that we were even a couple if he was not willing to share it. Other people’s mileage may vary of course, but for me this is a hard limit.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 17:10:44
First of all I really apreciate the civil tone and dialogue that you have engaged in and certianly lends credence to your arguement. Secondly, I never said anything about “screwing” over a girl in something that was important to her. If part of your relationship is built around gaming etc. Then go for it, and enjoy gaming with people off the opposite sex, it’s fun and they bring unique and different insights etc.
I hate repeating myself but I will give you the same answer I gave Ariock. My whole point is that guys need time with guy friend and girls need time with girl friends. Ever have that friend that is so into his/her date/mate etc that they blow off their other friendships?
The point of the RPG night (which was just one time) was a to have a specially planned “guy night” (and announced as a guy night) just like other guys do with poker or football or whatever. Where we can catch up and be guys and his g/f through a fit and ended up more or less ruining are friendship. This was not a game of particular importance to their relationship. Hell it wasn’t even an RPG with long term character development. It was a one shot Warhammer 40k game.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 17:26:23
I didn’t clearly catch the part where you said it was a one-shot. That does make it a little easier; it wouldn’t be an ongoing issue in the relationship. But what if she loved Warhammer, desperately wanted to play, and couldn’t find any other local games that were not being run by 12 year olds? It would suck, a lot, to be denied the chance to do something you loved because your boyfriend wouldn’t share. It could be a pretty serious hit to the relationship.
Imagine if you loved skydiving, and cherished every infrequent opportunity you got to do it. Your girlfriend just won a bunch of tickets to go skydiving, and you’re all excited….but she tells you that she’s decided to make this event “girl time” and take only her girlfriends. You are not invited. How do you feel?
Each person having some friend time that excludes their partner is cool. I get that. But if you have two hardcore gamer geeks in a relationship who both love gaming, picking RPG’s for an “exclude your partner” activity is probably not the best judgment call. Just saying.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 17:29:15
Have to admit, if my husband plays Rock Band without me, it’s quite an incident! However, 1st person shooters, ehh. I guess you have to know your significant other!
Jan 07, 2011 @ 18:22:39
I should probably clarify that we’re speaking from two very different cultural perspectives here, despite sharing gamer geekdom. There are a lot of default assumptions about gender and relationships in mainstream culture, assumptions that are so deep that many people don’t even know that there is such a thing as people who don’t share them.
My relationship is MMF poly and two of us are genderqueer, which means we don’t really fit into either the male/female separation model or the monogamy model. I do respect that people who are wired farther out on the gender spectrum than us are likely to need “guy time” or “girl time”. Given where we are on that spectrum, none of us in my relationship would be a good match for folks who differentiate social time based on gender, especially apparent physical gender. Not saying the people who do are doing it wrong, just that it is simply not true that everyone does it the same way, or needs to.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 17:16:02
Okay well it appears we have sparked some controversy here folks. We should probably modify that statement a bit, on the other hand, it’s kind of fun to watch. Read my two response to Nara and Ariock for more (or less-knowing my luck.) clarification.
Apologies to all.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 17:43:43
I’d say part of the point is that no one wants to do everything with the same people all the time. Or better, sometimes we want do things not with everyone else. Hmm, maybe that’s worse. Sometimes everyone is not the best thing to do for the other people. This is getting ugly… maybe Chicago said it best…
Everybody needs a little time away
I heard her say
From each other
Even lovers need a holiday
Far away
From each other
JK. It’s not a, “needing a break thing” it’s just, it’s nice to hang out w/some guys and there not be an element of “relationship” going on. Maybe that’s just my take on it.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 22:11:13
I think Chicago settles it all. Nice call.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 22:14:47
Hey, friend time and quiet downtime away from more intense relationship dynamics is cool. Most relationships do need that to stay healthy. The trick is choosing activities that don’t represent important opportunities for your partner that s/he would feel bad about being excluded from.
Jan 07, 2011 @ 18:20:57
Jeff, why do you hate women?
Love,
Andrew
Jan 08, 2011 @ 00:33:08
Well one thing this post proved, regardless of gender, geeks are passionate. Any time you over generalize, you run the risk of stereotyping. I think we can all agree that geeks represent a wide range of beliefs and values. Thanks all for contributing to the conversation.
Jeff, you do have a gift of offending the opposite sex! Ha ha.
Jan 08, 2011 @ 01:15:06
great insights! I now know not to mention my love for Nathan Fillion in mixed company 😉 thanks guys!
Jan 08, 2011 @ 13:05:30
Well I have to say emotions seem to run high when geek guys try to explain themselves to geek girls obviously. As a married geek girl, I have to say I love guy nights. I love my husband. I love reading comics together on the couch. I love hanging out with his friends who have accepted me with open arms and even seek out my female perspective on why I like comics, Catan, and them. BUT I like it even more that my husband has a group of friends that he can just be a guy with and I can have a quiet evening at home, a sushi night with my best friend or so shopping at Michael’s which he doesn’t like to do with me. Every relationship needs balance (like the force) and too much of any good thing makes it just an ok thing, or even a bad thing as you get tired of it. So have guy night, I’ll even pack him snacks to share! 🙂
Jan 08, 2011 @ 13:17:55
Whoa. A couple of people here seem to have their dukes pretty high up. Let’s all take a breath and chill for a sec…in the the nose…out through the mouth…^_^. Ok, so I am married to a total nerd like myself and I have been in this situation many times. The point has nothing to do with the fact that it is Warhammer, nor does is have anything to do with intentional exclusion. Rather, a healthy relationship must be built on boundaries. For instance, I have to have boundaries with my friends so that I can spend a sufficient amount of intimate time with my wife. On the same note however, I also need to have boundaries with my wife so that I (and she) can spend intimate time with friends.
Both my wife and I love Heroscape. Whereas I most often play with her and other people, I am also fine (as is she) with particular occasions where it may be a girls only or guys only game. If you want to say that’s sexist then fine. I hardly care what you think because you’re not my wife. Our relationship is built on more than 2 inch high figurines and thus she would never consider that a basis to judge how much I love her.
On a final note, I understand how it can sometimes be hard to juggle wanting to hang out with your significant other when your friends want it to be a gender exclusive hangout time. To that I say, quit being so selfish. It’s not easy being single, especially when many of your friends are couples, so grow up and look at it from another person’s perspective. It’s not like it will kill you to have a gender exclusive hangout with your buddies once a month for 4 hours.
Jan 12, 2011 @ 18:48:00
Actually, what’s weird to me here is that what I consider “friend time” is “girl/guy time” to most people. When I first read the list, I thought that item 2 was no girls allowed, a notion that bugs the crap out of me. However, time away from a partner with friends makes perfect sense. Anyway, for me, slight confusion arose because my group of geek friends is made up of men and women who are not dating. However, I an understand why it would be divided into gender for most of the culture. No one in my group could follow gender norms even if we wanted to, so now we don’t even try. I respect that not everyone is like us though.
Mar 29, 2011 @ 17:21:47
Holy crap that’s an insanely accurate list! Great job, I say!